Changes

In my life before kids, my life when I was really not alive at all while thriving at the same time, I was an elementary school teacher. I *loved* my job. Not many people can say that. But I LOVED what I did - enriching those little lives and filling their brains with school and life lessons. Teaching them how to do well in school and in life. That's what I tell myself anyway. But that life has been put significantly on hold. I have two kids of my own now. Two little bodies and brains and hearts I fill with something everyday. And let's not forget their stomachs. My picky little eaters.

My oldest, AZ, is 3 going on 13. She was born and my life changed in an instant. All new moms will say that, and well, it's true. My world got so much more focused and got a million times bigger in a single minute. Fifteen minutes after midnight to be exact. So many new things to worry about and protect her from. While watching fireworks from my labor and delivery room, I should have known that she'd come into my life like an explosion! Six days after she was born, I noticed a spot just above her belly button, that gross umbilical cord still hanging there attached. I thought my baby was bit by a mean old spider. Turns out she had MRSA and had to spend a week in Children's Hospital receiving IV antibiotics. Not a huge thing, considering some babies there were having open heart surgery, but a big deal to me. And only one friend of mine, a teacher friend, came by to see how we were doing. ONE. I should have known then that EVERYTHING in my life was different. I naively went into having a baby thinking that she would adjust to my lifestyle. Nothing had to change - except everything did. Little did I know that she would become THE most important thing in my life. I mean, I knew I would love her and all, but I was not first anymore, or even second for that matter. I came third, after AZ and my husband JD. My needs no longer mattered. Somehow my friends didn't understand, or care. It took a long time for anyone to come visit. While we were able to go out to dinner with her while she was young and without a schedule, the moment she got a bedtime, it became difficult to go to restaurants. And there's the begin of the friendship decline. Oh well. Who really cares? I've got the most beautiful baby girl now.

Well, actually, now I also have a beautiful baby boy. WC is a year and a half and a holy terror. I say that lovingly. And yes, my children are only 19 months apart. Not highly recommended, but we make it work. The kids get along wonderfully and really do love each other. They seemed to have a connection since we brought Wyatt home from the hospital. And speaking of hospital, not a SINGLE friend came to see us when he was born. Granted we were having a record breaking blizzard, but still. Come on. Anyway, he definitely keeps me busy. We've been to the hospital more times for him that we have for my daughter, that's for sure. He's had stitches in his right eyebrow, and badly burnt his hands one night after dinner when he opened the oven door. He's healing well, but we go back to Shriner's next week for his burn check up.

They always say the first year is the hardest after you get married. Well that's NOTHING compared to the first year after you have a baby. And while that first year after AZ was born wasn't easy, it was a breeze compared to the year after WC was born. I really suffered from a depression after he was born. I wasn't sleeping, and really hated my life. I felt like, and still do feel like, a prisoner. I am accepting the fact that I will not go back to teaching until WC is in full time elementary school. But that no sleep, taking care of two babies, and I say babies because AZ was still a baby, moving, not being near any of *my* family takes a huge toll. I love my life - don't get me wrong. I wouldn't trade a second away from my kids. But I desperately look forward to one day when I can have a glimmer of a life of my own. And those friends I had pre-kids, we're definitely not close anymore. More acquaintances now. And with me watching other peoples' kids from home, I'm a prisoner. No way to leave during the day, all errands on Saturdays, no time for play dates or mom's groups. They say that having kids changes everything. They're right.