Friday, August 14, 2009

Mother's Guilt

Guilt. By Webster's definition, well Wikipedia really, it means “a cognitive or an emotional experience that occurs when a person realizes or believes - whether justified or not - that he or she has violated a moral standard, and is responsible for that violation. It is closely related to the concept of remorse.” Mother's guilt. Multiply regular guilt by a million and you're still not even close.When I became a mom, I never realized exactly how much mother's guilt I'd feel. I didn't really even knew that it existed. Yet now, on a daily basis, I feel it over even the simplest things. Are my kids eating the right amount from the food pyramid? Am I interacting with them enough? Am I teaching them enough? Reading enough? Taking them outside enough? In my head, the answer to all of those is no. It's amazing the amount of guilt a mother feels. And you cannot possibly comprehend it or even begin to fathom, unless you are a mother. Sure you may be able to relate to guilt, but not mother's guilt.How do you draw the line between having some alone time to make yourself a better person and being a good mom? It's really hard. I was very blessed and fortunate to be able to go with my mema and aunt to Japan for almost two weeks. It's something I had always wanted to do, and knew if I didn't go then, I'd never get the opportunity again. My husband was on board with help from his family, and off I went. It was an amazing and literally a once in a lifetime opportunity, but man did I feel bad for leaving my kids. Not a moment went by without their being in my thoughts. Thanks to today's technology, I was able to see them on my laptop almost everyday. Fighting not to cry every time I saw my babies was a difficult battle, but mom's are strong. Stronger I think than any one else in the world. Our mom strength begins the moment we find out we're pregnant. We're strong enough to get through morning sickness and still go on with everyday tasks. We're strong enough to carry and grow another human being inside our bodies while our skin stretches and organs move and joints give out. We are strong enough to push or undergo major surgery for our babies to be born. Then we are strong enough to protect our babies from the world and everyday dangers. Strong enough that our kisses make their boo-boos feel better. Our hugs make them feel secure and safe. Our presence makes them happy. We are strong enough that even though we have an overwhelming about of mother's guilt over the simplest things, we push through for our kids. We're strong enough to put our kids first and ourselves last. We're strong enough to exist on hardly any sleep, loads of coffee, barely showered and teeth brushed, with no make up and living in our pjs everyday. We are strong. We have to be. We are moms.

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